I'm responsible for Global Warming.
Yes, that's right kids. As the humble Queen of Antarctica, I created the hole in the Ozone Layer to make Global Warming so I could finally be rid of all these invaders trying to conquest my bountiful lands and take them from the penguins, seals, whales and I. The whole thing is a plot to wipe out America and her so-called scientists from the face of the Earth so I can enjoy my frozen wasteland in peace.
I know what you're thinking.
How could one go as far as wiping out entire nations in order to preserve the ice caps? Easily, I'm brilliant, funny, evil, and completely bugfuck nuts!
The whole thing is to maintain my position of power in Antarctica to keep the Polar Bear armies of the North rising and taking over. After all, you kill the penguins and you kill the natural enemy of the Polar Bears. How do I know penguins and polar bears are enemies? Well, do you see them together? Nope. See? That deduction alone makes me nothing less than genius. I'm amazing and deserve a Nobel for my knowledge. You could say brilliant.
Why do I do these evil schemes? Well, I am a monarch. We, the monarchy must survive somehow.
Your nations' scientists have been polluting my pristine ice for decades now, and I've had enough. Gunther advised me of this plan many years ago, which is why the Ice King of the North and I began collecting the Earth's natural freshwater in our icecaps, so humanity would be screwed. Problem is, you clever little ape children survived anyway. It was there we hit a hitch. He said destroying oil reserves was the way to keep your filth from my ice shelves. I said environment. He created the Polar Bear army, and I my penguins. Mortal enemies for centuries. But that's history.
So with this plan, unless your scientists leave my country, and you renounce your claims to my lands, I shall enact Global Warming and bake you all into potatoes!
You darn kids will learn to get off mah lawn!
Or I will chase you out of there with Gunther and my penguin army!
With all of this, my penguins and I shall be left in peace. With our icy land.
And a hot tub under the magnetic South Pole. My penguin subjects will live in the lap of luxury, free of humans with cameras.
But how can I enact Global Warming and maintain my frozen ice caps you ask?
How will I maintain the cold?
Will they survive at all?
Am I not screwing myself over and killing my penguin subjects?
Why are you making Adventure Time references in a journal filled with Doctor Who gifs?
And so, I leave you with this message of war.
. Queen of Antarctica